Who knows how many people read this anymore but to my true fans - this is for you. Ha.
I just haven't felt the need to write....at all. I feel kind of empty..but I think that's just going around right now, kind of like sickness you know? Yeah, I caught the feeling emptiness cold. It's not fun.

So I feel like I should update you all with what I've been doing within the last week..though it hasn't been much of anything.

-Took a walk with a good friend about fun summer plans
-Ate oatmeal after not eating it in forever, with lots of sugar
-Set up my webcam and pondered if I made the right decision in buying one after I saw my face!
-Celebrated a birthday with cupcakes, a movie, and a walk through the park
-Spent some time with an old friend in the Navy, talking about life
-Ate stuffed crust at Pizza Hut with two of my favorite boys
-Missed my dad
-Rekindled old memories in Wal-Mart
-Spent waaaay too many hours on Facebook doing absolutely nothing
-Ate a lot of frosting
-Went to a weird movie night with people that I don't hang out with often to watch Lovely Bones (dumb movie, book was better)
-Thought about going to the library to get a new book
-Had good family times eating, shopping, and looking for soulmates

Okay, so that's my life. I work Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday this week. Nice huh? I got Friday off because I traded and junk so now I am able to go to the track meet and make signs for Patrick. Haha. I pondered it.

Jocelyn is having surgery in less than a week which I'm feeling kind of nervous about for her. I'm planning on going to the hospital to visit her. I also need to get a little care package made up for her. I'm slacking really bad as a friend right now....

Andrew got me addicted to this new song and it kind of fits my life I guess in a way. "The Only Exception" Paramore. Love it.

Just haven't met you yet

I love Michael Buble...and his newest song.

these lyrics -
"Talk myself in, talk myself out,
I get all worked up and then I let myself down"

Yep. That's me. :)

I stayed at Christa and Patrick's house basically all weekend. I usually do that during the summer...I just go and live there for a few days. Haha...The boys (Dylan and Patrick) and I watched New Moon on Friday night. That was quite exciting. I only watched it since I read the book. It's kind of a must.

Dylan and I were starving today so we went into a tiny town around 15 miles away or so from us and got some pizza...and some dessert pizza.The leftovers are in the fridge. I might go get some soon. It's crazy that I'm not sick of pizza yet, just sick of pizza hut. She's like upgrading my hours and I end up working more and more every week. I know I should be happy about this but oh my gosh. It's like taking over my life. And I have no time for life. I get home and I just want to stay put because I'm so drained and blah. I don't know why though because school is more stressful than this. Blah. But I have to work all next weekend and I had like something that I was pondering about going to on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and now I'm going to have to miss them all. BLAHHHH again.

Four more months.

It's really nasty outside so I kind of just want to curl up and watch movies all night. I might do that. Ha. It's soooo cold in here too! Oh my gosh. But, I have a lot of stuff on my list of things to do. I'll probably do them tomorrow since it's my one out of two days off. Probably going to try and go to the high school track meet on Tuesday if I can manage to hurry and get home early enough...I need to support my friends better.

Oh and I want some tweed shorts like this. And I still need to get a good purse.

Life is hard.

I have problems. I have so, so many problems and this blog is just ... not going to make sense because it's late. I'm tired..and worn out.

This morning I found our dog G.T. laying by my car. He didn't make a move when I slammed the door shut. I went over and pet him and he barely opened him eyes. Tears began to fall and I had to leave because I couldn't handle seeing him like that. Our other dog Millie came down and laid beside him, calm as could be.


Work today was fairly good. Time flew by. I made myself sick thinking about life and things.

When I was driving down our road, about a mile away from our house, I saw James' truck parked in the yard further away from the house than usual. I knew G.T. was gone and that they were burying him. I tried preparing myself for it....as best I could. I missed my family burying him which probably was a good thing.



Soon after I went for a run/walk...I could barely see though because my eyes were so blurry from crying. I started to suddenly bawl. I haven't cried so hard since last March. I just sat down for a while and let everything out.

So many things are bothering me now and I feel like crying right now as I write this. I'm always messing crap up. I mess people's lives up and I messed up again tonight. I don't know what to do...I don't know how to fix anything....nothing just seems to go right and....ugh. I just hate this. I hate being in this position and making people mad or sad or whatever. I feel sick to my stomach because I might have just made a wrong choice..I might have just ruined my life...well not my life...I assume I'll eventually get over it.

Ugh I'm just wishing I could figure out what I want and quit over
analyzing and thinking about everything. Just go for something without even realizing it...why do I always have to bring my head into things.....why do i always listen to my head instead of my heart? There's some sort of quote...i'm going to go find it.

OMG, where is this quote?! haha...i've been searching for it under my favorite quotes....lemme keep looking.

FOUND IT! I don't even remember why this was relevant now...ugh.

"If your head tells you one thing and your heart
tells you another, before you do anything,
you should first decide whether you have
a better head or a better heart."

I don't know which one is better or healthier for me but I usually end up listening to my head...because i'm practical. and cautious. and don't want to get hurt.

"If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy."

Don't give up on me? I gotta find someone who won't...because I think i'm beginning to give up on myself.

Okay, I'm done. this is depressing. I'm depressed..and you all probably are too after reading this. This isn't me. This is some depressing girl who has taken over megan's body. Let's hope I'm fine by tomorrow? Blah. Good night.

Falling and Falling Stars

I swear, I’m getting pretty good at this date stuff. Haha, not really but I’ve been going on quite a few lately. And only with ONE boy too!

Tonight Trevor and I decided that we would go stargazing and that I would see my first shooting star. Yeah, it’s crazy, I have NEVER seen a shooting star. And yes, I do live in the wide open country with the big spacey skies. I have been with friends and looked at the stars. Many times I heard one of them say, “A shooting star! Did you see it?” Of course I replied with an unenthusiastic, “No.” I’m horrible at seeing things I guess. I just always miss them and it’s depressing.

Anyways! We met at our usual spot – the bowling alley. I hopped into his car and we set out on our destination, which was to find a good stargazing spot. It was still light outside so we had plenty of time. Trevor traveled down all sorts of dirt roads but we kept running into civilization somehow. Finally we settled on going to his step dad’s house since he lived in the country.

When we arrived there, his step dad wasn’t home; he was at work. Trevor took me on a tour of his house which was pretty exciting. It was a pretty big house and it was cute! He showed me his old room and even some artwork that he did. I think he did it in high school? Anyways, it was amazing! I remember talking to him over msn in the past and he said he had no artistic abilities. Dang, that boy was being modest because his artwork was actually really, really good. I kind of wanted to frame one of the pictures!

After that adventure, we headed outside to find a spot to lay down our blankets. We settled on a perfect, open spot and plopped down. We sipped our hot chocolate that Trevor made for us. He’s just too darn sweet. It wasn’t long before Trevor’s dog, Shadow attacked us. She was in need of some serious attention. I tried nurturing her but then she bit me so I was done with that dog! After getting sick and tired of her licking his face, Trevor decided to throw her in the house.

Back outside we went. We talked about all sorts of things and I learned new stuff about Trevor. I mainly just listened to him talk because I’m a listener and enjoy hearing what others have to say. We heard scary noises in the trees too which kind of freaked me out. I’m not a good country girl. I’m a big baaaaaby! Some of the time we just sat in silence staring up at the sky. However, there’s a good thing about Trevor. Silence is comfortable with him. You know those people where you feel like you have to talk around them all the time? Like, the silence is just too AWKWARD so you try as hard as you can to keep some sort of conversation going. Well with Trevor, the silence isn't awkward at all.

Around 10:40 p.m., Trevor’s step dad pulled in the driveway after getting home from work. We got up to go and greet him; well, I got up to go meet him. He was sitting down inside when we opened the door and walked in. Trevor introduced us and he kindly shook my hand as he looked me in the eyes and told me it was nice to meet me. It was so heartfelt that I sincerely felt like he really was pleased to meet me!

When Trevor decided it was time to leave, the two embraced. His step dad said something about hugging him and something along the lines of, “I love him. He’s my son.” It was soooo sweet. Then I made some sarcastic remark about me not liking hugs which I don’t think he understood that I was just joking and being dumb. My sense of humor needs to grow up I think. But, he got up and gave me a big hug!

It was a fantastic night! OH! To top it all off, I saw my first shooting star ever!

This can't be healthy...

This can't be healthy, or can it? Haha.



Is that disgusting or what? I think my vegetable portion is much bigger than my main course.

I'm soooo going for a run tonight.

Good break

I haven't worked in the last four days and it's been amazing. Not like I've really done anything with the past four days but still...sometimes it's perfectly fine to just relax and chill out.

Tomorrow I have to work 11-7. I think someone called in so I'm taking over their shift. Ugh...eight hours, honestly? It's going to be a long day.

I like to have things to look forward to on the weekends or during the week. I have to do that in order to survive work. Like, ever since I started work I had the bachelorette party to look forward to. Then I started looking forward to this last week when I knew I'd be hanging out with friends.

Right now what I'm looking forward to is Saturday night. Trevor is coming allllll the way to my house just to watch movies and he lives 40 minutes away. Ha, I feel pretty special. Anyways, he's going to get to bond with the fam and probably have to eat dinner with us. I'm going to have to prepare him for this fun, fun time.

Today I got an e-mail from my future college and they want me to join forensics. I'm pretty excited about that because I LOVED it during high school. I have missed it so much over the last two years. Anyways, they're having a meet and greet thing on the 25th of April. I'm really hoping I'll get work off on this day...I decided that I shouldn't ask off for anymore days because I've already asked off for so many this past month. Also, I had to ask off two Saturdays in May for a friend's wedding and my brother's graduation.

Staying connected

MmMmmmMmMmmmmmm...I love cake. All kinds of cake really. Well, besides chocolate. My two favorites are definitely funfetti cake and ice cream cake. I think it'd be awesome to have an ice cream cake at my wedding, if I ever get married.


I just watched Bride Wars and now it's got me thinking about my wedding. My future wedding in the far, far off future. I'm not one of those girls who has ALWAYS dreamed about getting married ever since she was little but I kind of know what I want.

I want to get married in December, a week or two before Christmas around five in the evening. I think it would be absolutely gorgeous. Imagine a ton of cedar trees lined up, twinkling lights, reds, greens, golds, and silvers. I already know who my bridesmaids will be. Is that crazy? I've had the exact same friends since forever it seems like. Two I've known since elementary school, like since I was five years old. The other two I met in sixth grade and have been friends with ever since. I see them wearing either a maroon color or a dark green for dresses. Maybe half and half? Hmmm...

Just recently two of my friends and I were talking about getting married. We all decided Jocelyn would be the first. I don't know if she's so sure about that. Haha. Marriage really isn't that far off for everyone though. I mean, the next ten years are going to go by fast. What will change? Will we like each others husbands? Will we still be friends? I'm sure we'll still keep in touch, because we have after all these years. Will we all live nearby and hang out occasionally? We talked about it and I don't think any of us are moving away very far but life has its way of changing things up and throwing unexpected twists in the mix.

My Best Friend

There are a lot of people who talk about having a certain best day of their life. My brother and I have discussed this over and over again, naming good times or good days in our lives. Most of them have to do with friends. We both decided that the best day of our lives was my 18th birthday party when we had both of our groups of friends over just to hang out and enjoy each other's company.

I'm starting to reconsider my best day because I think I might have found one that is better. Sadly, I can't even remember the best day of my life, for I was only two and a half years old. But, without a doubt I know it was the best day of my life.

Without this day I wouldn't be anywhere near the person I am today. I'd probably be miserable and down a lot. I know I for sure wouldn't laugh a lot, have as many inside jokes, or have as many good times in my life. I just wouldn't be me.

The best day of my life was April 4, 1992, the day my little brother was born.

Happy birthday to Dylan, a day late!


I thought I'd share a random poem I wrote last semester in college. I think we were supposed to write about a best friend or someone really close to us.


My Best Friend

He stands at six foot two.
He wears skinny jeans with his converse shoes.

He has freckles, shaggy hair, and hazel eyes.
He is different from the rest of the guys.

He always has a smile on his face.
There isn’t another who could take his place.

He is creative and super smart.
There is no girl good enough to capture his heart.

He bursts out into random song for no reason at all,
and his favorite place to sing is on the way to the mall.

He is picky when it comes to food,
and when it comes to buying new clothes, he couldn’t choose.

He is bad at apologies and can be critical at times,
and he always seems to think his way is right.

He played Barbies with me and I played hot wheels with him.
We continued to play legos, long after we were ten.

He watches Project Runway and reality shows with me,
when he has nothing to do but sit and watch TV.

He makes me smile when everything is going downhill,
and he listens to me when no one else will.

He gets me into trouble by making me laugh,
when we sing in church, standing way in the back.

He gets on my nerves when he talks so loud,
but we all know without him, it would be an empty house.

He is my brother and will be with me until the end,
but most of all, he is my best friend.

Spoiled/Blessed

I've been pretty spoiled these last few weekends with seeing most of my friends who live so far away. This weekend I got to spend more time with Andrew. He was going to go to prom with Christa. So we all hung out Friday, went out to eat and a lot of other fun stuff. Also, on Friday night I got to go see The Last Song with one of my newer friends. Good movie, got teary in a few parts but I thought that it stayed true to the book.


On Saturday I got to see Nicole for the second weekend in a row! Her, Christa and I ventured to Wal-mart and out to eat at a Mexican restaurant. I love them to death. There's only a few selected people who I feel like I am truly myself and those two are definitely some of those people. We laughed nonstop and just enjoyed spending time together, even if it only was for a couple of hours. I miss laughing so much....

Yesterday was Easter so I got to spend time with my family. I love my family. I'm pretty sure I have the best family in the world. My cousins are absolutely hilarious.


I'm coming to the conclusion that I enjoy spending time with people who laugh a lot. Laughing is one of my absolute favorite things to do.

Oh and I finally chopped my hair, I don't know if you can tell in the pictures but it's pretty darn short! Haha.